After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
