You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
