I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
