I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize