i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
