sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
