3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
