I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
