Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
