I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
