"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
