I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
