Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
