I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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