is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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