you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
