Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
