Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
