maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
