So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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