and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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