sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
