don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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