i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
