how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
