I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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