WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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