The maid of honor just puked.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
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We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
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I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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