I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i will never coherently bang her
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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