So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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