I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
