hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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