When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
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My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
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Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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