I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
