no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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