God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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