If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
