Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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