We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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