Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
