i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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