fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
