so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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