Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
