Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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