all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
