His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
