Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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