I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
