I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
