I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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