I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
