He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
