He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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