I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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