eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My feet surprised me
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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