Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
