K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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