yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
