We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
