don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
