i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
