dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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