she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
