All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
