wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
