i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
