idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
