dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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