Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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