things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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