Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
