So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
