the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
