I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he fucked my hip out of place.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
