I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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